Cared
by lantern92
Summary: Ray & Mariah's relationship hasn't been rosey as of lately, but a sudden turn of events allows them to enter to a place of trust again
1. Chapter 1

"Ooh I got a body full of liquor with a cocaine kicker and I'm feeling like I'm thirty feet tall so lay it down, lay it down."

...

Introduction

...

Mariah sat not knowing whether she was frozen on the spot because of the cold winters afternoon or the shock.

Probably both...?

She knew this had been a long time coming and had consistently been on the victimized side of the heated fights, pointless arguments ... sometimes to the point where he got so physical that he scared her stiff, but she just could not bring herself to leave.

She didn't know how.

Especially with the way they dealt the conflict being as heated as the fights themselves... Hot passionate love making in any surface they could find.

23 months was a long time to just call it quits.

After all those months investing into happiness and reciprocating the quote on quote undying love, even if the relationship now felt forced, unbearably horrible and heart wrenching.

She felt like she no longer had his heart, she still loved him though. It was the same intensity as the day she discovered she adored him. Although he was terrible to be around nowadays she wanted him alone but she knew she needed to leave for her own sake.

Her own safety.

For her sanity's sake.

Whistles of sharp cold shrills blew into her tiny dorm room as she shook involuntary, fighting back tears, hand still clutching the tiny stick. A whole day had passed since he last texted her, it seemed to be the norm these days, some unsaid agreement that manifested from the blue. He acted like he could not be bothered by anything she had to say unless it was her tryna grovel and kiss his ass, invite him for a quickie or some shit.

Ha, quickie.

Looking back, she suddenly realised her refusal to let go - both their refusal to let go of the destructive relationship- was making them hang on a tearing cliff that meant sudden death for their hearts...

Inevitable.

They did not know when the other would cave in but they knew it was not long now before someone threw in the towel that stunk of their pitiful relationship. Hatred and bitterness was their forecast for the future.

She knew the little plus sign on the pink stick was going to definately send her over the edge, and she started to sob quietly in the dawning darkness of the evening.

Picking up her phone, she took a picture and sent it to him, then sat in there as the sun set in the far east.

"What is that?" He replied 40minutes later.

Taking one glimpse of at his response and she felt mad, ignoring it and drifting off to sleep. She panicked, wondering how he would react to the news, would he be mad? Supportive? Cold?

...

10 missed calls: Ray

It was 1am and she was still atop her covers, the little pink stick mocking her disapprovingly as it made itself comfortable among her pillows.

She wished she could just sleep forever instead of dealing with...

This.

Being pregnant. As she had been feeling sick all morning and most of the afternoon, she decided to have a quick snack to calm her nerves, suddenly feeling hungry for anything. She'd spotted little notes slipped under her door by Hillary who had been looking her her 'forever... smiley face'.

The water works began again. Unable to keep them back she let them flow.

How was she going to face everyone and tell them?

Maybe she didnt need to tell anyone, the one person that needed to know knew by now, and he was hunting her down for answers.

In the darkness, she saw her phone flash several times, indicating a call.

Her heart leapt into her mouth when she saw who it was.

Him.

Blood continuously thumped both excitedly and nervously through her body, she couldnt rememeber when he had wanted to talk to her this bad.

She sat by her bedside, took a deep breath and put the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" she answered finally after he didnt let up (3 missed calls later).

"Where have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of you!" he said agitated but not necesarily mad.

"I was sleeping.. not feeling so good." she said honestly and almost too quietly.

Ray fell silent and tried not to say anything in case it came across as uncaring, he really was in a state of panic himself and to be honest, was worried and mostly had no words to say.

"Do you want me to come take you to the doctor?" he asked.

"At 1am? Uhm - no, I'll be alright, just want to sleep it off," she lied.

As if more "sleeping it off" would undo the consequences of the passionate night of unprotected coitus they had shared 8 weeks ago.

More silence.

"I'm coming over..." he said, breaking the silence.

"No, you dont have to," she said. "Really."

"What the hell Mariah, I want to be there, don't you consider how I'm feeling? I cant just sit here and ... do nothing."

"You're gonna have to," Mariah threw her head back beginning to get annoyed. "It's not like you will be helping matters by being here."

Even more silence.

"Fine," he said sulkily, and with that hung up.

...

It took all the strength Ray had to even get out of his apartment the following day for his lectures, and even while he was in lectures he could not focus on anything being said, all he could think of was his girlfriend.

And what a huge mistake he had made.

It had all gone too far and he remembered almost wanting to break it off with her after a fierce fight of wits that broke out, but instead they found themselves on top of the kitchen counter in his apartment, her panties to the side, blowing off steam the one way they had gotten so accostumed to doing. It was such a rush that they didn't bother to get any protection and although he pulled out 'just in time' it wasn't on time.

Obviously.

This was insane, he at least needed to try to get to her or else he would lost his mind. Although they were having a terrible time in their relationship, he knew he still loved ... now more than ever since she needed him.. As much as he needed her.

To be strong they needed to be each other's pillars of strength... Was this guilt talking? Regret? Shame? Love? Pure love?

...

BAM BAM BAM "MARIAH OPEN UP!"

He waited anxiously outside the door, he could hear faint music so he knew she was inside, but when she kept ignoring him, he fished the spare key from under her rug.

She was just coming out of the bathroom when their eyes met. "Ray? what are you doing here?" she asked, cluthching her stomach and wiping her mouth with her sweatshirt sleeve looking exhausted.

Ray shrugged, muted and distracted by seeing her looking so stressed and worn out.

He took three huge strides to her and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry, Mar... this is all my fault."

Mariah didn't reciprocate, she kept thinking how all of this was indeed all his fault, and wishing she had never met him because now she was 'tainted goods'. However, it felt good that he had come to her rescue even though she was pushing him away, he was the only person she needed more than life itself now.

There was a comfortable, sad silence between them, then she decided to speak up "What are we going to do Ray?"

Ray shrugged, holding her hand "I ... dont know. What do you want to do?"

Mariah reiterated the same thoughts that had been haunting her for that past two days, and just to make sure it was a feasible opion, she told him "Abortion. I'm too young, I'm not stable financially I... Ray, my parents would kill me... and my brother would hate you and demand we break up and kill you, plus you guys are best friends ... I dont wanna ruin your life."

Ray didn't protest, he let her lie her head on his shoulder and let it all out. He was relieved about the decision, but not proud. He had always been pro life but now being in the situation he was not so sure. This was a quick fix but he knew it would keep following him for the rest of his life. However they both wanted the same thing, and he couldn't force her to doing something she did not want that he didn't want as well.

He kissed her forhead and wrapped her close to him "Dont worry Mar, we'll be alright."


	2. Chapter 2

"You're all that matters to me"

...

Mariah

...

It had been a whole working week and I hadn't been to school, work, societies or submitted any of my assignments. Deadlines and due dates meant nothing to me.

Shit was getting real.

The morning sickness that came with the sun was deliberately keeping me away from masking this huge bomb of a secret, and to make matters worse all my friends and family where wondering where I was, blowing up my phone with "where are you hiding" texts. God I hate those.

The highlight if one of the week came when my best friend Hilary had come along threatening to kick my door down like a possessed woman, demanding I open after a night out with a makeshift clique she had jumped onboard with to replace my absence. Drinking buddies, but everyone's you're friend when you're drunk right?

She was piss wasted and the very smell of her stench of high end liqueur mixed with raspberry flavored smoke from shipshape pipe and Minajesty scent from outside the door made me want to puke my brains out and hurl my lava lamp right at her face.

My nose had begun to pick up shit I never knew existed, basically making me one of those guard dogs that hunted down drugs by picking up scents from nowhere.

Had this been during the afternoon, I would have probably blown mad chunks everywhere but because my symptoms eased at night I felt like I could keep it down just long enough to tolerate asking her come back in the morning.

"Where have you been!?" She asked with her hand on her waist looking mad, dress barely covering her thick set thighs when I caved in and opened for her.

Hillary had grown into a woman of flawless curves. She was literally a photoshopped manipulation of herself: tall, slender and built by the gods. Yhass and did she also have an ass for days on her too! I always teased her about it, but don't get me wrong I was not attracted to her, she had enough of all those flames from the whole college male species. And few select females.

"Hil, I haven't been feeling so good... It's a fever or something." I lied.

"Welllll shit Mariaaaarh! The least you could have done was tell a girl," she said slumping over the table dramatically, starting to breathe like a woman in labor.

Hillary was quite the sight when she was drunk.

Usually I loved seeing her theatrics but this particular night I sure as hell was not in the mood to be entertained. Her absence was what I needed right about then.

"I meaaaaaan," she dragged her words. "You always take care of me when I'm sick, I wanna do that. For you. Like now. I wanna be that friend too mar. I love you, so let me Marr... Want some chicken soup? Painkillers? Water? Il gerrit, jus lemmi know boo."

"Hil, babe listen, you go home. You can always talk about you poisoning me with your bad ass food when I've slept tomorrow and your sober," I said.

She clicked her tongue like she was offended. "Bitch, I'm offering my help here!"

"I know sweetie," I cooed. " but you woke me up and I'm sick, so I have the right to kick you out. It's in the country's legislation."

"Hmmm, fair trade!" She yelled. "You are such a law bitch."

The thin dorm walls were usually no match for Hilary's vocal range, especially when she's drunk and all over the place. This made for great gossip with my neighbors who were the biggest nerds ever with no social lives, ergo resorted to talk about mine and my friends, inviting themselves into our business.

no such thing as bad publicity.

"Hey, how did you even manage to get back home?" I asked her.

Last time she texted me, Hil was emoticoning me to death about how she was at RayerHQ, a club on the other end if town, missing me. Heaven knows how she got there. Or back for that matter.

Everyone knew catching rides from there was dodgy and not the safest way back home, the few that tried either got stabbed or if lucky got all their possessions stolen, including shoes. No lie.

The fact that Hillary was standing right in front of me... Well, slouching... Unharmed probably meant she had someone she trusted drive her down.

"I called Tyson, he's coming up" Hillary sang with a silly grin on her face. She then whispered like she didn't want me to hear "And we're gonna have sex."

"I'm not gonna have sex with you drunk like that," Tyson said matter of factly, appearing by my door which had been ajar.

Speak of the devil.

He had his hands in his pocket and was sober. "Hey Mar"

"Hey Tyson. I see you're babysitting tonight?" I teased.

Tyson shrugged and looked at Hillary like he had no choice "Yea.. Look at her. This girl can't handle her alcohol, I had to make sure she got home safe."

"Ncaawwwww," Hillary said, sitting up. "Sweeeeeet."

"How come you weren't out." Tyson asked me.

"Uhm, think it's some stomach flu bug going around, been feverish... The works."

"Oh, sorry. Anything I can get you?"

"Nah. Ray got me all this" I motioned to the bag of anti nausea products and extra medication he brought me to alleviate my morning sickness.

The boy did his research, also getting me iron tablets and multivitamins and an assortment of fruits and foods I love eating.

"Nice. Hope you get better soon. Someone needs to be reigning in this wild one whenever yal go out." He said. "Especially considering that she was alone, which was irresponsible of her."

"Pssssht, shit. Wet fucken blankie. You know you want me," Hillary linked her arms around an unamused Tyson who was legit worried about her.

their banter was cute.

See, my two friends Tyson and Hillary have a bad romance. They are one of those on off couples you always root for on a soapie to make it work. Everyone can see that they deserve each other but them. So it's frustrating because they are worse that Ray and I.

At least we have the decency to admit our feelings to each other and try to move from there; as far as Tyhil are concerned the other party is soulless and they "hated" them.

"Hil. God. Man, what the hell." Tyson rolled his eyes and threw Hillary over his shoulder, earning a shriek from Hillary and a good view of her pantieless cheeks for me.

"Night Mar," Tyson said, Hillary giggling and yelling how she was being kidnapped.

"Thanks and goodnight!" I yell back at him after he switches my light off and shuts the door to head to Hillary's bedroom.

My friends... I knew they would not judge me for my decision, they'd prob do the same thing in the given situation, but I didn't want to burden them.

Plus I felt kinda responsible and ashamed that I got into this, I should have taken my birth control regimen seriously.

Religiously.

But what can I do now but damage control.

I'm such an idiot.

...

"...can it be any more inappropriate? We need a student body president who will reflect our views not the alumnus views, our fees are rising annually and all they want to build is a statue of abstract art? When was this vote made..."

My alarm radio had been on for a good ten minutes but I was not interested in switching it off just yet. I needed social interaction and a distraction for my mind.

When I got up the first thing I thought of was "oh my god, I'm pregnant with the baby of the man I love".

This child came from a place of passion and love and peace and everything good and beautiful in the world. No matter what the gender I always envisioned it having Ray's piercing blue eyes and perfect eyebrows. If it was a girl she'd be blessed by the cosmetic angels.

What am I saying, it's just an embryo what does it know? It prob doesn't even have eyes. Or eyebrows. My body felt foreign and if you thought I was lying to Hil when I said I had a fever, I wasn't.

Since a fever is caused by a foreign body jus like pregnancy is caused by a different type of foreign body I definitely was sick!

The "parasite" inside me was making me hormonal, sad, bipolar, hungry...very different from the usual Mariah.

I clicked the alarm off, shutting Benji What's His Face up who was campaigning for student body president and his awful nasally voice.

What a total prep.

Back to bed.

...

"Mariah."

"Mariah."

My eyes fluttered open against my will to see the same piercing blue eyes I had been thinking about a couple of hours ago.

Oh shit, it had actually been 6 hours since I woke up just to go back asleep.

"Ray?"

"Hey," he said sympathetically. "You ok?"

I nodded, my eyes adjusting to the light. He had opened my curtains and windows and tidied up the place a bit.

Such a Ray thing to do. God.

"What are you doing here?" I really needed to quit hiding my spare key on such an obvious spot.

"Can't I come see you? I'm worried."

I sat up in my bed and eyed him suspiciously with that "really nigga" look.

"I'm pregnant not undergoing chemo," I informed him. It came across rudely than I expected, but he decently ignored the tone in my voice.

"I heard you weren't attending lectures or anything," he revealed.

"Yea, and?"

"And what's the deal with that? I mean I got you all these meds so that you didn't have to stop...living"

"Ray, you won't get it."

He looked at a loss.

He understood that he would definitely not get it because of how if affected him differently; he ran his hand through his thick mane like he always does when nervous.

"I know it must be really hard on you babe, but you'll get through this, and I don't want your grades to suffer cause of it." He explained. "So talk to me, I'm here, i'll sleep over if you need me to but just don't do anything. Literally."

He was trying his best, and it was endearing but a part of me felt unsure of how long this charade would last.

Was I expecting too much from him by believing he had good intentions?

Would he wake up the next morning, not call or text and break me emotionally again if he told me hurtful things?

"I need time" I told him, refusing to make eye contact.

"Move in with me," he suggested suddenly after a pregnant pause.

The look on my face probably told him what I was thinking... Goddamn wtf.

"I always go out if my mind not knowing what your doing here, especially since your...you know..."

"Pregnant"

"Yea... And in a fragile state, I don't want you hurting yourself. Plus you can always leave a couple weeks after the procedure. I'll get someone to fill in a leave of absence term form for you"

I blushed.

"I'm not self harming Ray."

His eyes pleaded with mine, looking sad and very worried. There was no way of him knowing that.

He was being... Nice.

Genuinely nice.

Why did it have to take me getting pregnant for him to treat me so well?

I found myself showered, packed and at Rays apartment within 2 hours.

He had that kind of hold on me, even if I didn't want to do something, I always did it because, he was the love of my life. He told me to, he requested it if me. And I was more than happy to comply, anyday. He was all that mattered to me.


End file.
